Men are Coward

Fiancé: “I have no courage to tell your father I am simply stony broke."

Fiancée: “You men are all cowards. My father would not tell you he had just bankrupted.”

Progressed

Grandfather is chatting with granddaughter. Granddaughter asks, “Grandpa, are you created by the God?” “Yes, Thanks the God.” The granddaughter asks again, “Am I created by the God?” “Yes, my dear.” Granddaughter looks at grandfather for a few minutes, and then walks to the mirror. Finally she tells grandfather her new secret finding, “you know, the God’s job has been improved greatly recently."

Diploma

A lady was pushing a stroller shopping in a WalMart store. She kept talking to a little infant lying in a stroller when she picked up each item, “This is for you, Diploma,” or “you will be so beautiful dressed up with this, Diploma” and so on. After a while, another shopping customer seemed could not tolerate any more and asked her; “Why you keep calling this baby Diploma, Diploma, Diploma?” She replied, “I sent my young daughter to the Virginia Tech, this is what she had brought home,”

Leaky Roof

Gale called Handyman for a dinning room roof leak. The handyman came right away but for a long time he could not find where is leaking. Gale walked in and quickly point out the roof leak location. After the repair, the Handyman asked curiously, “How on earth did you find that so hard to find leak?" Gale had a frowning face, “I found that accidentally. Last night, I was sitting in the dinning room and had a bow of soup, but after 2 hours, I found the soup had not being finished.”

Choice

On the Valentines Day, at the intersection of GM Road and Hickory Ridge, a young boy and his sweetheart argues on which direction to go to Milford. He feels very strongly he knows how to get there, “we should go east,” But his girl friend insists they should go west. They can not get an agreement on the direction and called a friend for help.

“If you want to get to Milford, go east; but if you still want your girl friend, go west.” The friend told him.

Sirname

The boss called a new hire into his office, wanted to give him a special training or routine admonishing.

“What is your name?”

“John," new fellow replied.

The boss told him, “I am not used to calling people with their first name in the office; I am greeting them with Mr. Smith, Jones. or Baker, … ; and my employee also only call me Mr. Robertson. Let’s try it again, what is your name?”

“Darling. John Darling.”

“OK, John. Let us discuss the next item, …”

Disappointment

On the night of the 5th Anniversary, she was so happy to open his surprise gift – a gold bangle. He smiled at her and hesitated for a while, then told her in a soft voice, “You know, I have been thinking about this for some time, it is the 4-letter word drives me have to do it today.”

“You are so romantic and nice, is it ‘L-O-V-E’?” she asked eagerly. “No, I am not thinking that badly, it is ‘S-A-L-E’.”

Internet Advice

Internet really provides all and best opportunities. I have been tried for some time with no result to find an on line dating. One day I met an innocent young girl on line, she told me she had no experience in love fairs and asked me for some advice. She has an unrequited love for a tall and handsome young fellow lives in the same apartment complex, but she does not know how to express her love to the young man. Only thing she does is to quietly watching his passing down stairs everyday at a same time.

I immediately want to play a “Hero and Beauty” to help her out. I told her a simple and best approach is to wait for next time he is passing downstairs, throw something at him, then quickly run downstairs to apologize to him. That is a way to introduce yourself to him and get him to know you.

Next day after work, just before I get to my apartment, a whole flower pot with flowers fall right on my head from the sky. I was totally knocked out, lost much blood, and ended up at a hospital.

Meeting Minutes

The Chairman of the Board asks the new CEO, “Board members seem too easy to half way fall in sleep when I give a speech, how can we correct this situation?”

The CEO replied, “Easy. Just do not have secretary in the meeting, but tell them you will be announcing who will do the ‘Meeting Minutes’ at the end.”

Tuesday

Saturday night, a very drunk gentleman checked in a hotel room, falling into sleep. When he partially sobered up, he felt sick. He called up a concierge asked him to get him a bottle of Whisky and a copy of Sunday Newspaper. The concierge went out for quite a long time.

When the concierge finally returned, the gentleman commented, “It must be very hard to buy any alcohol on Sundays in this town.” The concierge replied, “Not at all, but it was indeed very difficult, if not possible, to find a copy of Sunday Newspaper on Tuesday.”

Deteriorating or Improving?

A middle aged house wife stepped out of shower, look at the mirror very sadly for a long time, and started murmuring, “Oh, God, I am getting fat, my breast and abdomen starts sagging, I have more wrinkles on my face every day, I will need one size larger clothes, …” after some hours, she becomes angry at the husband, “I have been feeling miserable for so long, and you have no sympathy, you did not even say a word”.

The Husband had to silently ponder for quite a time, finally, he replied back, “It is not all that bad, at least your eye sight is progressively improving over the years.”

Best Tester

Test gold you can use fire,
Test woman you can use gold,
Test man you can use woman.

Childish Conclusion

Chidren are debating, “you know, in ancient times, there is no electric, no radio, no TV, how could our ancestor live?” “that is why they all dead.”

A Doctor's Complaint on High Fee

A doctor said to his car mechanic, “your fee is much higher than we treat a patient”. The mechanic replies, “you see, you have been using the same model year after year from the time of “Adam and Eve”; but we have to work on new models every year”.

Where is Oil from ？

Sesame Oil is from sesame;
Peanut Oil is from peanut;
Olive Oil is from olive;
Baby Oil is from …